28 Jan 2009

It makes sense really.

There's quite a lot of stuff in newspapers at the moment crediting (excuse the pun) certain people with predicting today's economic badness. Often, the articles end with a phrase like "And NOBODY listened..." Well of course they didn't. To illustrate why, I've created this (using my 'N' grade in A Level Economix)...

People borrow money to make stuff
\/
People buy the stuff
\/
Banks have confidence
\/
Banks lend
\/
People borrow money to make stuff
\/
Top Hats all round [well, as far as anyone cares]

BUT - imagine what would have happened if we added gloom to this:


People borrow money to make stuff
\/
People buy the stuff
\/
Someone introduces the concept of DOOM
\/
Banks lose confidence
\/
Banks don't lend
\/
People don't borrow money to make stuff
\/
The Top Hats are flipped upside down with 'Please help us Mr Taxpayer' written on the front.

Basically, if capitalism listened to DOOM, then it would essentially lose its main ally CONFIDENCE. And that would kinda mean that its... er... all FAKE.

FAKE.

22 Jan 2009

Blood

I did some first aid training today, and got covered in fake blood which was fun. Most people were seemed unwilling to get bloody but I embraced it. I'm not a 'First Aider' now as much as an Appointed Person, which enables me to:

1. Call an ambulance (I now know how...)
2. Take charge of an accident situation

To be honest, on the second one, I was only really good at the empathy/nurturing side of things. In the final scenario where my team an I were faced with multiple casualties and and a rotund drunk lesbian (it was a guess about the lesbian thing, but generally my gaydar is pretty sharp) I did a shit bandage round a hand, ballsed up the recovery position, and failed to reason with the squiffy lady (who also had a head injury, albeit not a relevant one).

Saying that though, I'm pretty good at CPR - maybe its the rhythmic side of things. When the teachers were out the room, I offered my own dangerous version:

1, 2, CHEST SMASH!
1, 2, CHEST SMASH!

The Heimlich Manoeuvre (or whatever the proper term is) was a tough one. Everyone else was paired off with other learners, but I had the secondary rotund lesbian, and she told me off for not supporting her enough during the back slaps (she was very heavy). I wasn't 100% comfortable with 'landmarking' her chest and belly button either, but I did my best to convince myself that this was a real emergency.

11 Jan 2009

8 Jan 2009

You can be anything you want to be.

Remember how GM tried to convince the US Government that it was a bank so that it could get some free money? Well the bailout bonanza continues.

Goldman Sachs were criticised last year when they proposed that they would give out $6.9bn in bonuses while asking for a massive handout from Uncle Sam. This has been approved, but as they're good people, the top dogs are going to have to settle for their basic salary. I for one know that my basic salary barely covers everything, so I truly sympathise with them.

I spent my journey to work thinking about how I could convince the world that I'm a financial institution in trouble. I don't even need as much as $10bn - a couple of grand would be lovely. Also, I would quite enjoy the limited liability offered to me.

Whenever I can't sleep at night, I pretend that I'm a Post Office, because it puts me in the frame of mind that I will shut down very soon.

3 Jan 2009

Still going on...

A while ago, I wrote some stuff about how Al Franken was running for the Senate in Minnesota so I thought I'd check on who won.

Well, there is still no decision, and according to Franken's website, he apparently leads by 49 votes. Its getting to the stage now where a decision has to made whether the 'winner' can take the seat before its decided in court. Franken hasn't declared whether he will take up a seat, but the Huffington Post has reported that the Republicans would revolt if he did take up the seat.

Today, the absentee ballots are going to be counted, but it looks like counting votes will come second to a court decision.

Hurrah for democracy.