26 Feb 2009

Amusing Names I Have Encountered In My Working Environment

Horatio Ponce
Tessabelle Sultana
Ryder Cockhorse
Cecilia Nanfuka
Anas Munshar

17 Feb 2009

Man of Peace

Tony Blair has just been given $1m according to AP.

Its actually the Dan David prize. Who's Dan David though, and why does he give out $1m prizes?

Its website doesn't seem to work. From what I gather, it seems to be a bit of a Zionist thing. Surely not a good idea if you're a representative of the Quartet in the Middle East? I dunno.


EDIT: The website works again.

10 Feb 2009

Got A Backgammon Set?

But don't know the rules? No fear...

Then you should play ¡Frontbacon!

¡Frontbacon! is an game for all the family (2 at a time mind), and the rules are EASY!

1. Players face each other with the ¡Frontbacon! board in the middle.
2. Each player has their own coloured pieces (or loins) layed out in front of them.
3. For best results, an independent adjudicator (known as an Abbatoir) blows a whistle, and players must throw the loins one at a time at each others faces. You may use both hands, however only one loin per player may be airborn at any one time.
4. When one player is out of loins they must shout '¡Frontbacon!' and they are then declared the Porksworth (or winner).

Also available: Sidepork, Sinister Snout and Castle Lard.

9 Feb 2009

Cake Log 2009

In one of my workplaces, there has been a creeping trend of frequent and regular cake consumption. In previous years, its tended to happen on birthdays (not really that surprising), but from around last summer, staff have stopped giving reasons and bring in cake anyway.

I don't mind - I like cake.

The news of the cake is delivered by an email sent to all employees in the building, and thankfully, I'm well versed in reading emails as soon as they arrive. In fact, sometimes I can 'sense' an email being delivered, and I brace myself ready for its arrival.

This year, I figured I would take a more scientific approach to these emails, and I created a spreadsheet called Cake Log 2009, and saved it somewhere underneath about 8 digital trees worth of subfolders.

The log includes the date and time of the cake offering, the name of the bringer, the cake type, marks out of 10 and extra comments. So far there's just 3 comments on there:

"No staff were available to sample X's debut effort, but we're pleased to see a young pretender to the cake throne."

"Good moist texture, and well balanced by the icing" 8/10

"My judgement was possibly skewed by my consumption of strong coffee and a Mars Bar prior to the eating of the cake. A light fluffy sponge well complemented by the sweet creamy filling." 7/10

Hopefully, once I've collated more data, I will be able to provide statistics about who is the greatest cake-bringer, and which time and day of the week is the more likely to have cake involved.

I need a new job.

5 Feb 2009

And more...

Glossop Road (1)

Glossop Road (2)

Snowman (and lady)

3 Feb 2009

Snow on my way to work...

I took some photies on the way to work...

A 4x4 secured to a lamppost (that'll do the trick if it starts slipping...)

Rustlings Road was awfully quiet...

And Brocco Bank was busier with pedestrians than vehicles...

The Botanical Gardens were picturesque.

2 Feb 2009

More Bore

OK - 'we' spend loads of our money by pouring it into banks, and then we ask them nicely to do as we say, in the hope that they will, and jobs will appear and everyone will be happy. But, it seems that the banks tend to just take the money, do fuck all, and continue to whine about how hard done to they are.

Spain's idea (from Zapatero*), on the other hand, spends the equivalent of £96bn on its railways, thus:

1. Removing customers from budget flights (Planet sez cheers)
2. Creating useful jobs (workers say cheers)
3. Spain has a cutting edge infrastructure (Citizens, businesses, tourists say cheers)

*I've just realised - Zapatero doesn't sound as impressive a figure when you Anglicise his name - John Lewis Shoemaker. Maybe its the 'John Lewis' thing. In fact, I'm going to put John Lewis in the search terms for this blog entry, so that keen John Lewis (the department store) investigators will instead have to plough through my short Monday evening rant, and then come to a postscript that is longer than the actual article.